My dad doesn't hug me enough!

For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of ‘alright guvnors?’ It wasn’t true to who I was.

I love Downton Abbey. It’s just great. My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn’t such a tragic ending.

I only got into comedy to get laid.

I’ve never laughed a woman into bed, but I’ve laughed one out of bed many times.

I don't like comedians who don't have conviction, and with stand-up, it is always best to have an angle.

I did a gig at a comedy club in Bournemouth where they served a buffet while the acts were on. There was the clang of people carving turkey during the set. If you put comedy and turkey side by side, turkey always wins.

If I could look like anyone, it would be Jamie Redknapp - even up close, he's amazing.

I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.